Hey/Aw Nuts
Voiced by a young man in his 20's, super fast talking and excited
"I just got Fioptics 1 Gig Internet and it’s crazy fast. I created this new social media platform: HEY, made a million dollars, entered a high-stakes World of Weapons tournament, lost my million dollars, launched “Aw Nuts,” a nonprofit organization that provides nuts to squirrels in need, promoted “Aw Nuts” on HEY, made my million dollars back and now I’ve got everything I always wanted-a great big house, pet squirrels out the wahzoo and most importantly, the fastest internet in town.
VO: Fioptics 1 Gig Internet. What will you do? (90 words)
Seneket: Son of Ahmotep
Seneket should be voiced by a tenor or baritone adult male immitating a raspy mummy voice. Mummies 1, 2 and 3 should be obviously different and should also be raspy mummy voices. 1 and 2 should be males, 3 should be female.
Seneket: When you share an Egyptian tomb with 22 other mummies,
fighting for computer time can get…nasty.
Mummy 1: I was Pharaoh 6 days longer than you! (grunting and
moaning in the background)
Mummy 2: Yeah, well I was embalmed first!
Mummy 3: You’re such a Mummy’s boy!
Senket: Thankfully, mom got Fioptics 1 Gig Internet. It’s a hundred times
faster, so it’s really cut down on the fighting. Still, mummies will
be mummies. Cousin Menastus keeps bragging about stealing
my favorite wife. I’d kill him, but mom threatened to take away
the Internet…plus he’s already dead.
VO: Fioptics 1 Gig Internet, only from Cincinnati Bell. Some restrictions
apply, see store for details. Cincinnati Bell. You. Entertained. (102
words)
Hip Dad
Voiced by a young girl (10-13), bewildered and frustrated, complaining about her father.
My dad just got Fioptics 1 Gig Internet from Cincinnati Bell and it’s so fast that now he thinks he’s some sort of “hip dad.” He joined Facebook and friended all of MY friends. MY FRIENDS! Total. Invasion. Of Privacy. Then, he put tablets all over the house and played every viral video since 2002. I can’t even close my eyes without picturing cats playing pianos and children biting fingers! (“ow charlie”) Still, at least my dad’s trying. Jenny’s dad still can’t figure out how to open a laptop. Thanks Fioptics.
VO: Some restrictions apply, see store for details. Cincinnati Bell. You. Entertained. (96 words)
Light Up Cincinnati Radio
What you see below is the result of 6 rounds of revisions. The only radio spot that I've had since the very beginning was called New Dad, but renamed Sey Yes in order to avoid confusion between series 1 and series 2. My "AHA" moment in advertising (so far) was when I wrote Hey/Aw Nuts. They were originally two separate radio spots. After presenting them to my mentor, he suggested smushing the best parts of both together. I thought he was crazy, but did it anyway and I'm not afraid to admit that I was so excited by the finished product that I literally jumped up and down and squealed like an excited child. I hope you enjoy reading these even half as much as I enjoyed writing them.
High-Tech Pirates
Captain should be voiced by an adult male with a very deep raspy pirate voice. Imagine Captain Barbosa from Pirates of the Carribbean. The man should be less deep and have more of a "lackey" sort of feel and draw out the sentence as if he is silly or stupid (think Bert from Marry Poppins). The woman should sound airy and as if she is slightly offended, but secretly flattered.
Captain: The life of a pirate isn’t all looting and pillaging. There’s a lot of
hard research and mapping too.
Man: Aye, and now that we’ve got Fioptics 1 Gig Internet, we can do all
that even faster.
Captain: With just one click we can search the entire world for treasure
and map everything in an instant. Fioptics 1 Gig has seriously cut
down on the time we spend researching, so we have more time
for what we really love! Booty!
Lady: Captain!
VO: Fioptics 1 Gig Internet. More time for what you love. Some
restrictions apply, see store for details. Cincinnati Bell. You.
Entertained. (100 words)
Cool Mom
Voiced by a young boy (12-15), bewildered and frustrated, complaining about his mom.
My mom just got Fioptics 1 Gig Internet from Cincinnati Bell and it’s so fast that now she thinks she’s some sort of “cool mom.” She keeps liking my facebook status-and I mean literally typing the word “LIKE.” Plus she’s uploading all of my baby pictures and trying to set me up with her coworker’s daughter! It’s so embarrassing. I checked the girl out, though, and she’s actually pretty cute. Maybe my mom isn’t so bad after all. Thanks Fioptics.
VO: Some restrictions apply, see store for details. Cincinnati Bell. You. Entertained. (88 words)
Sey Yes!
Voiced by a young man in his 20's, super fast talking and excited
"So I just got Fioptics’ 1 Gig Internet and it’s crazy fast! I learned Turkish online, video chatted with my parents in Montana, and I even created a new online dating platform “Sey Yes!” I met this girl and we went on a date and it was horrible-like hot soup all over my pants horrible, so I used Sey Yes to find a new date. It was great! Now we’re married and [pause for baby crying] oh my god it’s a boy!
(pause) Woah…that was fast! (amazed and kind of breathless voice)
VO: Fioptics 1 Gig-What will you do? (87 words)